I wrote this originally as a post in a forum for gringo ex-pats in Costa Rica, but when it was done, I realized I’d put a lot of heart into it, and I think it makes a wonderful summary of how my life has gone here. To that end, I think I’ll copy it to here, as a nice wrap-up for my transition here, now that we’re getting ready to head out on our next adventure.
This will likely be my last post from Costa Rica until we get back. In the mean-time, my next series of posts will be more of a traditional travel blog, where I tell you about our journey. 
But for now, I hope you enjoy my discussion about how my life went here.
------------------------------------------------------
I mentioned in a previous thread that I had just gotten my cedula. Yay! In following that, and as suggested by Gayle (salish sea) after some related discussion in a different thread, this topic is here for folks to discuss some culture shocks they may have experienced when they first moved here, how they adjusted to them, and even how long it may have taken to realize that a culture clash was actually the root of the problem.
I mentioned in the other thread that one of the preparatory homeworks I did for myself before moving here, and after reading about strategies for successfully adjusting to a new culture, was I read a book about my OWN culture first as a baseline. In my case, since I am from Gringolandia, the book we found for me was "American Ways: A Guide to Foreigners in the United States", by Gary Althen. The strategy for all that came via a link Jime found on The Real Costa Rica blog, put together by one of our very own forum members here (TicoGrande). I don't want to violate the rules of the forum by posting a link to another blog, but I (or he) can share that blog post by PM if so desired.
To describe my move here, I'll start by saying that I've been here several times before, as a visitor, for less than 90 days at a time. For those who aren't familiar with me, I'm married to another fairly frequent contributor here, Jimena. Jimena is a native Tica, who had been living in the US for school when I met her, and we've been together for a little over 8 years now. All of that time (roughly) was spent in the US (with the exception of a few summers), until we moved here for real this past October.
I will also say that as of right now, I am COMPLETELY happy with my life here, and while I moved here primarily because of Jimena (for her, this is home; for me, home is wherever she is), the style, quality and pace of life and personal connection that I have here now is FANTASTIC, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I mention those things because I have what I think is a somewhat unique perspective of somebody who has come here first without, and then later with, perspective about my own culture.
When I arrived here on my first visit, about 8 years ago, the first thing that shocked me out of my comfort zone were the bars on the windows. You see, up until that time, I had never left the US (except for a couple day trips from San Diego into Tijuana... which don't count). Where I grew up in California, and hell, almost anywhere in the US, bars on the windows meant "bad neighborhood". It meant there was (I was told) a decent chance of me getting robbed on the street at any given moment. I also saw a completely UN-manicured world. The sidewalks, where they existed, weren't straight or flat or free from giant, man-swallowing holes or sharp protrusions. For that matter, neither were the streets!
It wasn't until we got home that she and I had the discussion that appearances aren't everything. The bars are on the windows because yes, there is a much higher burglary rate on average than my sheltered childhood neighborhood. The houses look ugly on the outside so as not to draw attention. On the inside, most houses are quite nice! And as for the streets, and relative un-manicured...ness... of the sidewalks... well, that sort of thing is very nice to look at, but it takes a LOT of money to maintain, and is NOT absolutely necessary for useful function, and rather than blow money maintaining manicured sidewalks, this country saves its money to spend on little silly things like free education through college and universal health care for all citizens.
The next thing I of course noticed, especially coming from San Diego, was that Costa Rica has a lot of those really weird things... maybe you've seen them, maybe not, but coming from San Diego they blew my mind... I think they're called...
TREES! Yeah, that's it, Trees! San Diego has about 7 of them; they all live in a neat little park downtown, and you can visit them on the weekends for a nominal fee. I LOVE those things!!
But to get back to culture... one other thing I noticed was that most car/bus travel here is done by not just city streets, but by specific routes through specific neighborhoods, and always guiding off landmarks. This threw me for a SERIOUS loop, coming from Southern California of all places. In California, my entire internal map of my world was all keyed off the freeways. I knew were I was relative to any given freeway exit, and I could tell you exactly how long it would take me to get somewhere based heavily on how far I had to go at 70mph (or faster if I had to make up time). In other words, the part of my trip that lead me to and from the freeway didn't really count. Here... that's the whole thing! And without freeway exits to let me know how far I'd gone, I had no context for where I was relative to where I started. Take that and add in the lack of street NAMES, let alone street signs or addresses, and you end up with me being at risk of getting eternally lost if I walk 3 blocks from my house in the wrong direction.
Since then, I've of course learned many of those routes. I've learned the landmarks. And in doing so, I learned a lot about the country and its history and its values at the same time. You can't guide off "The Coca" without knowing that there used to be a giant Coca Cola factory there, that is now a big bus station!
I find that a lot of the culture issues I find here are double-edged swords. That is, from one perspective, they drive me batty, but from another they're wonderful!
I find it amusing that this is not a litigious society, which simplifies a LOT of life; and yet frustrating and ironic that, in many other respects, they are HYPER-legal. So many things require lawyers! I hate the fact that for the most part, you can't find information about anything here on the internet; and yet I love the fact that you CAN usually find out everything you need to know from a friend, or even a perfect stranger. It took some adjustment to get used to how poor of a state of repair all of the buses seem to be in; and yet... on the flip side, there are more buses here, and better bus service, than just about ANYWHERE in the US! Portland, Oregon brags about its phenomenal public transit... "Buses every 15 minutes during peak times!" Here, on a Sunday, if we wait more than 5 minutes for a bus into Chepe, people start whining and looking at their watches. In Portland, if you don't have $110 monthly bus pass, you're paying something like $2.75 to cross from one side of the river to the other. In Costa Rica, I can pay $8 to take a 6 hour bus through the (rain-forested) mountains and down the (Caribbean) coast to Puerto Viejo, which... when I get there... is Puerto freakin Viejo with 80°F water and abundant corals.
And as for the pace of life... this is one of those things which the Gringo Culture book brought into better perspective for me. I was aware of the difference already, but the book really just nailed it for me. I think the best example of this is... it took me quite some adjustment to get used to the 5-hour beer.
Folks in/from the US are born and bread to be efficient, self-sufficient (not just physically and financially, but even emotionally... at least, as the ideal, though I admit that latter part is more heavily-biased towards men). This goes into nearly every aspect of our lives, and starts virtually from birth. Our major milestones for our kids are about them becoming independent humans... when they can walk by themselves, when they give up crutches like pacifiers and blankets. Later in life it's when they get their first job, when they go away to college. The American Dream ™ is to be a self-made millionaire (nevermind that this is a big fat lie even in the best of cases, that's not relevant to the current discussion). To get ahead there, you are taught to be direct, and to work fast, and get the job done. The ideal employee will work well in teams, but require little to no supervision.
It's not surprising, then, that when we go out to eat, we expect our leisure services to be efficient and rapid as well. Our glass/breadstick basket should never be empty. The wait staff should check on you constantly to ensure you want for nothing (for more than a couple minutes). The check should be waiting for you at your table before you're even done eating, so that you can get up and go the moment you're ready. But this comes with a high cost (both socially and financially)! Especially for folks in big cities, we tend to have many shallow friendships, but few deep ones. When you go out, you may spend $50 for two people easy, and only get about 90 minutes of entertainment out of that!
This type of thing would HORRIFY a Tico! Bringing you your check at a bar before you ask for it would be the HEIGHT of rudeness. If it happened more than once, you may very well ban that bar from your life. Sure, you don't get free refills, but if the wait staff is constantly asking you what they can do for you, you feel like you can't relax, and it could very well ruin your night.
In the states, I barely talk to my immediate family more than once every couple months at best. Even our best friends, we would visit together once every couple weeks, and we were REALLY good friends! Here, there's this cultural concept of being "pendiente". People care about you and keep you in mind OFTEN, and check in on you. Here, I had MANY people whom I'd just met who checked in with me frequently to see how well I was adjusting, logistically and emotionally; to see how my boxing classes were going; how my spanish was improving. Here, I see casual friends every couple weeks, and good friends multiple times per week!
In the end, it still took me a long time to be able to relax long enough to stay seated at a bar table for 5 hours. Even at my best, even with the greatest company... after about 90 minutes, I'd be checking my watch (probably less subtly than I imagined). But after a while, I learned to let that bad word go, and slow down and enjoy my company. Beers are cheap, and they're practically N/A (especially compared to Portland). Have 5... and a chifrijo (preferably without rice)... and enjoy every bite... and every sip... and relax.
Costa Rica is the happiest country on the planet.
http://www.reuters.c...=USRTR28N51#a=1
Yes, this comes at the cost of the ready-to-order, custom-tailored, always perfect, pre-packaged world I was used to in the US. But you know what? It's WONDERFUL! It's a beautiful life. Most of the things I gave up are things I don't miss, and most of the things I've gained are things I wouldn't give back.
